he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
