Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
