I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
