Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
