tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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