I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
