come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
