I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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