But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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