I'm going to jail i love you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
