I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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