only you would photoshop your dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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