you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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