Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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