she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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