Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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