i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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