i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
