Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
