i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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