Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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