If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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