everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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