Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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