i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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