It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
