If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
