DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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