Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
