he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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