i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
