If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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