You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
