nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
