his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
