my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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