he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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