ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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