I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
