Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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