Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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