My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
