Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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