yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
