I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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