I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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