i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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