listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
