Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
