drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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