I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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