"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
