I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
