im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
