I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My cat gives me a boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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