Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
