I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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