some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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