so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
