I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
