Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my liver is dry heaving
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
