just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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