Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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